SECRETS & SURPRISES

I can’t tell you my secret, ‘cause it’s a surprise.

Kevin’s Quotes, October 2002

Two special events are happening this October... My best friend is having a birthday at the end of the month, and it’s been 10 years since we’ve known one another.

Now, this is not just any regular birthday, mind you, but one of those milestone ones (and if I told you which particular milestone it is, she’d kill me). And then there’s 10 years of almost daily contact with me. A milestone in itself, I know, but one decade filled with plenty of fond memories and adventure.

I’ve been more excited about these events than she has; planning out the day, which is turning out to be the entire weekend. If I left it up to her, it would just be another ho-hum moment.

The planning began around the beginning of this year. Just the thinking process. You learn that if you’re going to plan a major event, you need to think about it many months in advance, because as you get older, time really begins to speed by at an accelerated rate.

Anyway, I wanted to do something special. October... Mild weather. Fall foliage back East... Not much happening now that Summer is over and school begins... A cruise, perhaps? Or a long train ride, say from Peking to Paris? Haven’t done either one yet. How about New York City and a photo tour of New England? I still have keys and access to the apartment. All I’d have to do is call my room-mate and tell him to discard the numerous copies of the New York Times off my bed...

Maybe this time, a wedding ring? We’ve gone through that scenario so many times, I already know what would happen... she’d throw the ring and me out of her house. No. We’re destined to be lifelong friends and nothing more.

I had some nice ideas several months ago, but then today’s reality hits. Right now, I’m in the midst of contract negotiations with Hollywood (among other projects) to turn my life story into a feature film, and it’s just not possible to get away from here.

So, I was momentarily stalled, which was just fine with my friend. But I wasn’t going to give up so easily. Not on a special double occasion as this. Something would come along. It would all click and fall into place when the time was right. I just had to have faith...

That day came in late August. I found just the right gift for her that would be ideal. About as expensive as that two-week trip to New York or a cruise, but ideal. Instead of a pocketful of memories she could add to her already decade-long existing ones, she could admire this gift from time to time and think how foolish I was to ever buy it for her. You have to understand, she’s always trying to get me to save my money, and not spend it on her (or anything else for that matter), but my way of thinking is, what good’s the money if I can’t have fun spending it?

The gift planning began. Suddenly, she found me taking off without an explanation and a smile on my face. This, to her, means I’m having an affair with another woman.

"That’s impossible," I tell her. "I’m not even having an affair with you, how then could I possibly be having an affair with someone else?"

"Then you’re keeping secrets from me," she fumed.

"No... I’m keeping a surprise from you," I countered.

"What’s the difference," she asked.

"Big difference," I assured her. "A secret is clothed in darkness and mystery. A surprise is not."

"Well... then you’re being very dark and mysterious," she shot back.

"But with the highest of good and pure intentions," I volleyed.

One clue came her way. Whenever I’m involved turning one of my latest dreams into reality, I close myself off and pretty much disappear for awhile, which means the day-to-day stuff like retrieving the mail and paying bills I leave to her (I trust her with the complete access of my life).

Naturally, I paid for the gift by credit card (I just don’t carry cash on me, especially that much cash), and when the statement arrived, it was then that she saw how much I spent on her gift and where that gift came from. We had words about it several days later when I came out of my hole to transfer some funds.

"I can’t believe what you did," she groaned. "And here I was doing so well controlling you on your spending habits."

"I don’t want to hear about it," I cut in. "It’s a done deal."

"Return it," she quipped.

"I can’t," I mumbled.

"Why not," she asked.

"Because it was specially designed and made for you," I informed her.

She groaned once more. And before she could get in another word of criticism about me or my nutty ways, I interjected as I was leaving her place, "Trust me, you’re going to love it!"

So, what’s the special, surprise gift?... Can’t say, ‘cause it’s a secret. 

Until next month,