Kevin's Khronicles

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Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do... pursuing the dreams I have dared to dream since childhood; turning them into realities and advancing onward to the next one.

It all seems so minute when compared to the vastness of the universe and beyond that I sometimes wonder why I couldn’t have been born with a more normal or average state of mind; why I couldn’t be happy with a simple, regular job that produces a regular paycheck with at least two paid vacations per year, along with the assorted sick leave, paid holidays and medical benefits. Perhaps then I could have built a family; a heritage and a legacy to call my own.

That kind of destiny was not to be, for Fate had other ideas for my life.

In the past 35 years, I would count four major loves that have affected me, changing the course of my life, for better or worse, to what I am today.

Because I choose to live in a small town in the mountains, news is on a weekly basis (unless you hang out at the local coffee shop), and if the item doesn’t reach the paper in time, the story could be delayed yet another week.

That was the scenario not too long ago, when I gathered our weekly periodical, and casually flipping through the paper; searching at what caught my interest. Obituaries are common reading among the town folks, being so small, chances are, we would know the deceased in some manner or way.

It was the recent obituary of a woman that produced a chilling warmth coursing throughout my body that made me feel sickly strange; a foreign feeling I was unaccustomed to receiving, for that particular woman’s obituary happened to be one of those four former loves that changed the course of my life.

How could this be? I have known Death of past loved ones, but they were reserved to older family members, with few friends along the way. But to actually know someone that you once shared an intimate part of your life with for several years, that had actually become a turning point, die without notice, felt strange and bewildering.

Oh, the paper gave the usual cold statistics... the age, the cause of death (cancer), the birth and death dates, names of family members, places lived... all in a few short paragraphs that was suppose to sum up a life. But I knew more. Much more, as I recalled what I was doing the day my former love died... mowing the lawn and preparing for guests to arrive that weekend; trying to keep busy so that thoughts of my beloved little Lhasa Apso girl, Jia Tu, who died just a few days before (please read the July 2005 Khronicles titled My Jia, for further details), wouldn’t surface and bring forth the tears.

And I thought about the years we spent together. That time when I went from obscurity to world wide fame; when it looked as though I would lose the dream of cycling the Great Wall of China, yet regaining it when the Tiananmen Square massacre brought tourism to a halt.

So many memories flooded my mind and touched my soul as I held the paper that contained the obituary notice. Lord, did she make it Home, I thought to myself, for the last time we saw one another, 12 years to the day before she died, she was not on good terms with her Creator.

She was the one who insisted on buying Hanzhu and her daughter Jia Tu for a dog breeding venture against my objections. She was also the one who asked me to take the girls when we separated, else they would be taken to the pound and who knows what would have happened to them then.

Strange how, within a span of days, Jia Tu and her former master, would die, thus closing a chapter in the book known as My Life.

And as memories prevailed during that day of discovery, I began to look at all the changes that have been affecting my life just in the last 12 months... from the publication of my first book, to signing the contract which saw my first feature film as writer, producer, and lead actor come to fruition. Then came the book signings and the previews of the film, as I came out of hibernation after seven years.

A new adventure began to form as well after all these years of waiting. So vast is this adventure that’s never been done by man, that rivals are now attempting to steal it from me (as they tired with the Great Wall of China and failed), along with three new scripts (as well as an equal number of books) being developed that will soon be turned into films (with me, once again, doing triple or quad duty).

And with these vast changes comes the inevitable sorrow. The duel deaths of Jia Tu and my former love bring a closure and a conclusion to an old way of life, as the dawn of a new one emerges.

As I begin to scan the horizon to the next five, even ten years ahead, what changes await me that will have a significant impact upon my life that could be far different than the one I’m living now?

I don’t know, nor do I wish to, for at this very moment in time and space, I continue to mourn for my little girl, which has now doubled with the added knowledge of a past and former love. With their deaths, part of me has gone with them. What, I wonder, will replace them?

Until Next Month,

Kevin